Hmmm.  Apparently hormones help control behavior and thinking and it appears that mood can be strongly related to hormonal surges.  Women have huge swings in their hormones prior to their monthly cycle, and therefore it must be a sort of psychosis that they go through each month- whereas in the past it was just considered a type of depression.

I’m not willing to accept that I’m a psychotic individual for almost all of my adult life.  That sounds absolutely ridiculous!

Instead, I’m willing to say that my mood swings are probably related to my hormonal swings, but they are ME!  I AM THEM.

I can tell you with calm certainty that my significant other had a problem with what he considered my mood swings for quite a few years.  He actually wanted me to consider taking medication to thwart my intense feelings of sadness or distress.

I told him to go jump in a lake.  I did that because I had the temerity to think that if I feel upset when I’m approaching my menstrual cycle then that is a great clue that SOMETHING IS BOTHERING ME!

We actually sought counseling.  He was thrilled when the counselor suggested I take something to see if it would help.  I remember the moment clearly.  I leaned forward toward the male counselor and I said, ” If I have to take something to make me a different person in order to “save my marriage”…then I prefer to save myself!”  I told him I appreciated his consideration but I wasn’t in the mood to turn myself into a guinea pig.  He then ominously  told me my marriage was in crisis.  I nodded and then I told him that when I took my vows I promised ” for richer or poorer, in good health and bad, till death us do part.”  If my spouse wasn’t willing to accept me as a whole package- hormonal and all…then that wasn’t my issue. My choice was to continue being me, whatever the hell that meant!

My therapist then turned away from me and started writing on a card to schedule the next session.  I took the card then when I got home I told my spouse what I said to the counselor and my spouse decided he was going to cancel further visits because it was pointless. Our marriage was not worth saving!

I think that was four years ago.  We are still married, and most of the time I’d bet he’d agree that we are “very happily married”.  The only difference is I’ve insisted on my right to get angsty sometimes.  I told him he was just going to have to accept that I’m a natural born worrier.  I don’t know if it was nature, or nurture, but I’ve got lots of worry built into my soul.  I told him I have the right to worry about things 80  percent of the time because that feels safe to me, and I promised that the other 20 percent of the time I’d be a blast!

Now he actually laughs and calls me ” Miss 80 percent” when he feels I’m being excessively anxious.

I can’t wait to tell him that it’s been psychosis that he’s been dealing with!  I wasn’t just depressed, I was psychotic! Heh!  Of course if I was that means me and all the other women in the world are full on psycho!

In all honesty, I don’t accept the psychotic business any more than I accept that I was depressed and needed meds to soothe my tortured soul.  What I needed was the ability to express my feelings without having people tell me I was wrong about thinking the way I thought.  It seems to me that right or wrong, my distressing thoughts were being thought by ME and let’s make no bones about it, I like me a lot!

I’m now humming ” I’m a me liker” to the tune of ” I’m a girl watcher”.

The rain was so bad that a little old fox that lives somewhere behind my home decided to move her kits out of her hole…I could tell because she was busy harassing any animals that even came near her.  Her yowls were fierce!

I was going to go out and crank down a patio umbrella but I thought twice and decided not to go out because I was a little worried about meeting Mrs. Fox. I figured I didn’t care if my umbrella blew away.

The good news is it is finally sunny!  Yay Pottstown!

The odd thing for me was when I was driving around this morning about 9 am.   The neighborhood felt like a soaked sponge.  It even sounded soggy.  I don’t quite know how to explain what I’m saying.  I  just now have a feeling for what a community feels like after a drenching rain.

I’d say it felt “squelchy”.

love,

mo

Well, I’m okay with them saying that, because, in my opinion  it’s absolutely true.  I’ve been lucky enough to know some very wonderful, compassionate people who are in social services, and let me tell you, they do whatever it takes and then some  in their line of work.  There isn’t anything that they run into that they can safely say ” well, that isn’t my job, so I don’t have to care about it!”  They have to care about almost anything any of us have to care about, and they have to do it for all the  people that they get assigned at work.  It’s a tough business!

The hardest part about being in social services is the answers seem simple at first glance.  You just tell people how to do things in prescribed ways and everything is hunky dory!  Only, somehow, lives are a lot messier than that, and it isn’t always all that easy to follow simplistic life strategies.

Today I was listening to WHYY and they were talking about how Pennsylvania is interested in changing how they pay for social services.  Generally social funding gets paid in what are called block grants.  Imagine all the money the state takes in…now carve out a bit for social services, now let social service institutions beg, barter and well, not steal, for their piece of the pie.  Literally, you can imagine that there is this food fight about which group gets the adequate amount for their needs.  What Corbett wants to do is to make that money something that local municipalities control.  In that case social service organizations would have to lobby their local representatives.  Well, that takes the state out of the equation, but it’s just kicking the can down the road really, because the state is the source  of the funding in the first place through tax dollars.  The only difference to agencies is where they have to go peddle their wares- is it in Harrisburg?  or at the local level?

The problem is much deeper than an argument about where the money should come from.  The problem stems from having so much need and not enough money to keep the programs going that are necessary.

But think about it?  Who really wants to worry about poor people?  Who wants to care about medically fragile people?  Who wants to care about folks who are suffering from mental or physical disabilities?  Who wants to care about kids who are getting a raw deal in housing, or education or health care?

Oh yeah, social workers do!

love,

mo

My second daughter, who is also magnificent is finished with her first year at college.  She has always been a really responsible young lady ( don’t ask me where she gets it  from?!)  And because of her responsible and warm nature, her college asked her to take an RA position, or residential assistant position in freshman year!   She got home and started applying for summer jobs right away and now she’s officially working over at the mall, so if anyone sees her, don’t bother her, she’s busy!

My third little lady, is coincidentally just as marvelous as her sisters in her own way of course, is the one I’m talking about when I’m telling you all about there being only 2 more days of school.  Today she said she watched several movies, played a game station game and played cards in class.  It is insane that they insist on keeping kids in school when there is no education going on!  But what do I care?!  She already took her SAT’s early by a couple of years and she’s got a score that can get her into Brown University!  I like to call the youngest my “Doctor,professor,wizard”.

Now in case my kids read this, which they rarely do, I want to make it straight that I don’t think one is smarter than the others!  I think they are all beautiful geniuses.

Aaack!  It’s so hard to  parent  brilliant young women!  Poor me!

love,

mo

I got on the website and filled my basket and when I got to the online checkout, it was charging me the regular price of the item instead of the 40 percent off that was advertised in red on the website, so I called their 1-866 number and spoke with a a clerk who said the price wasn’t showing anything other than regular price,  I asked her how that was possible and she suggested she put me through to customer service. She said, ” you never know, you might as well ask”.  I thought she was very considerate and I was satisfied to wait through the ” all  our representatives are currently busy…” I held and soon a gravelly voiced woman named Brenda got on and I told her what had happened.

Her first response was ” can I have the item number?”  So I gave it to her and waited for the explanation.  But what she said was  that isnt’ the price showing on the website.  I said I checked both the sham price which was showing at 16.99 as opposed to 24.99 and the King sized price which was about 20 dollars less than the 69.99 shown.

I said, look when I go to the home bedding at prices up to 40% off it was there and I went through the steps that I originally had in order to show them where the discount was showing up and guess what?  Suddenly there was nothing showing under the regular prices, but you can see that most of the other items on that page show red numbers beneath the original prices that are the discounted prices.  I said, it now doesn’t say anything about the discounts!  It has said 16.99 on the 24.99 sham, and it showed the lower price for the king! Brenda told me she was able to see all the prices that the item had ever been and it was never at the price I was suggesting I just saw.  I asked her ” why would I lie? I just brought you through the process and the product is in a selection of other home bedding items at up to a 40% discount, and you are saying there is no discount on that item at all?”  She said in her gravelly voice in a very monotone way ” I’m not suggesting you are lying”.  I said, “You know what?  if that is the way Blair does business I can shop elsewhere.”

The worst part, is I was already expecting the kind of nonsense I ran into…but since my daughter was sitting right next to me suggesting I contact customer service in the first place, since the product wasn’t showing up online with the discount removed…I feel bad that she had to hear them telling us we were misinformed.  We were literally shoulder to shoulder and she heard the whole conversation.

When I got off, she was as she said, seething!  She said ” They aren’t allowed to talk to you like you are some crazy woman trying to lie your way into a discount!”

I said, what can you do about it?  I told her I’d just use my dollars to vote and avoid using Blair in the future.  She said she was going to their website.  I think she did too.

Unfortunately, it probably won’t matter a whole lot.  And honestly, I don’t really care.  It’s just another day in paradise!   Generally I don’t get myself all worked up over shopping problems because I’m a firm believer in using my dollars as my voice, but in today’s fast paced world, my poor dollars don’t make a lot of difference.  I mean seriously, I was trying to get a discounted item- it isn’t like Blair is losing a big customer…but my daughter has a point in saying that we have the ability these days to do more than just walk away from businesses.  We can now voice our opinion and allow others to see what kind of treatment businesses offer.

I have to say I feel a little better now.  I’m not going on facebook, or any other social media sites to bad mouth this company…I have better things to do and I’m sure everyone involved will sleep well tonight-

It’s how my daughter is going to sleep this coming fall that I’m still worrying about

I wonder if Boscov’s has any black and white quilts?  It is my experience that they still treat folks like valued customers!  I should “Boscov” more

love,

mo

The movie was too complicated and kind of sexist and I just felt rather bored with the whole thing.  I wonder if there was something I was missing about it’s story?  Did anyone else enjoy it?

I guess the good thing about renting it on cable was it only cost us 4.99 rather than the 49.00 it would have cost us to go out and watch it in a theater.

Isn’t it incredible to flick through all the movies that are available anymore and wonder how the heck does Hollywood produce so many crappy movies that no one wants to see?

Anyone have an idea for a film they’d like to watch?  Do you have the nerve to share your idea?  Wouldn’t it be wild if we could figure out a way to promote Pottstown films?

Hey, have a great day!

love,

mo

You are probably wondering what I’ve been doing?  Well,I’ve been busy with getting kids home from college and one kid involved a graduation from Temple University, and everything else was just the standard end of the year activities both for my kids and for my workplace.  But the real truth is that probably just  like a lot of you, I only want to come home at night and veg out.  I don’t care about anything let alone news and local events.

Still, sometimes I feel a little guilty.   Can you imagine that?  Here I am talking to people I don’t even know for the most part, and I actually feel guilty if I don’t talk.  Hoo Boy!  I think I need some  serious therapy.

Heck, I’m going to use blogging as my therapy!  So let’s get talking about stuff again, right?  Thanks again for keeping me in your thoughts- I know we aren’t “besties” but it’s nice to know there are other folks out there with shared interests.

love,

mo

Now it seems that 2 young men killed people for their own twisted pleasure. One of the brothers is now dead- I saw a photo of what appeared to be his body.  It was a very gruesome picture.  His chest had been pried open, probably by the medical staff, in order to stop internal bleeding and get his heart pumping.  Seeing the cyanotic body of Tamerlan wasn’t pleasant.  It didn’t make me glad.  I felt sick.

This hasn’t been a great week.  First the runners, and then the West Texas explosion with the accompanying devastation to local families, and last night and today a hunt for the bomber known to most of us as “Suspect #2″.

I was over at the Thriftway in Sanatoga today and while there I wound up talking about what was going on in Boston with 2 total strangers.  It was sort of nice to look directly into the eyes of a stranger and see the same exact confusion and stress that I’ve been feeling mirrored in their eyes.

I’m sure in the coming weeks we’ll be talking about shutting down all of Boston over a 19 year old.  We’ll talk about how the media brings us faulty news in it’s attempts to beat other outlets with the “best news”.  We’ll talk about Islam and people who dedicate their lives to Jihad.  We’ll talk about our government and whether Obama handled this horrible situation in the right way.  We’ll talk about the folks who were asked to leave their homes in bare feet and robes.  We’ll talk about gathering in the US at sports events and at concerts and we’ll wonder if we should be banning gun powder or assault rifles?

We’ve got a lot of hard discussions ahead of us.

But right now, we are going to have to make it through today.  How are we going to deal with one 19 year old terrorist?  Don’t make the mistake and think I’m feeling sorry for this kid.  I don’t.  If he is guilty then I want him prosecuted.  Hell, what I really want is for this crap to have never happened.  I want Martin to be able to play this weekend…I want Krystle to go to another baseball game, and I want Liu to make it back to China to see family.  I want Jeff to walk on his own legs!  God this week is tough, it sucks big time!  But I’m writing because I want to let everyone who stops by here to know that other people, people like me, and people like those women I met at the supermarket….many of us are feeling stressed and upset by what is going on around us.  All of our pain, and our anger and our confusion is  going to stay with us for quite a while.

Be strong.  Take care of yourself and those you love.  Keep safe.

love,

your friend,

mo

I was reading  on the web about some difficult events worldwide  sadly some of those wound up taking many more lives.  I noticed that  the people who were mentioning those events  were saying things like ” In this country ___ people have died, and no one in America even cared, but you Americans have only a few people die at an American event and your whole country is in an uproar.”   That strikes me as pretty sad. It’s sad on many levels.  It is sad  that people from other nations don’t understand what it is to feel a personal identity with your country so that an event that hurts citizens on the other side of the country can feel like a personal attack, or a personal pain.   It’s horrible what happened in Boston, but I’ve got to say that I’m glad that Americans have the sense that when one bad thing happens to some of us, in this case in Boston,  in a much larger sense, that explosion has happened to all of us.  And who couldn’t look at the flags from countries all over the world to see that Americans are even willing to feel at “one with the whole world”!

We’ve got a some problems in America, some are with our system of government- it doesn’t always work in the way some of us as individuals want it to, and in our legal system  we sometimes  lock up the wrong people,  or perhaps even worse, we don’t lock up the right ones.  We have got some sick and deluded citizens in our mix and beyond that we have some rogue foreign parties trying to attack us.  We aren’t perfect, but we do often think of ourselves as “one”.

Seeing how people responded here in America when a horrible situation unfolded makes me proud of this country!  I am sorry about the earthquake in Pakistan!  I pray for the  safety  of people in Pakistan, and Mali, and Iraq.  I am worried about Venezuela.  But I certainly care a lot about what happened in Boston!

I care about the world we are all connected, but I care a little more right now for the people of Boston.. because,well, they are like immediate  family!