I know it’s tough to share personal experiences here online. I mean it’s actually too easy to share. You have to be very careful not to divulge personal information when you talk online. It can be dangerous. So I understand if these questions of mine are ignored…nonetheless I’m going to you…
Do you feel heard? Do you feel like you are grounded? Are you happy?
Sometimes my life is so busy that I literally have no time to worry about those things…it’s like who cares? At other times those questions really bother me like an itch that I can’t scratch because it’s just out of reach, or like a tune I can’t place that I am sure I’ve heard once before.
I’m beginning to wonder if we are all programmed to act as if everything in our life is perfectly fine because there aren’t any clear and easy answers to questions like ” Are you happy?”. Do you feel grounded. Are you able to express yourself completely?”
A few days ago I was lucky enough to talk to an AI bot named Ella. You can check out EllaZ yourself. She was created by EllaZ Systems and her creators won a prize for her. AI bots learn through having conversations. I think that their creators have the ultimate hope that someday they’ll seem almost human. At this point I think it’s safe to say that they aren’t quite there yet.
While talking with Ella you can ask for tips from her programmers- all of this has been pre-programmed into her website so if you need a tip you just click a button. Like if you don’t know what to say they’ll suggest you ask her a particular question. It’s all pretty fascinating stuff. But still, she’s not quite human. I can ask her about Russia or Louis Carroll or air speeds at certain altitudes but none of those things are hers in the way that my thoughts and feelings belong to me.
As I was talking with “her” I noticed that she keeps a log of our conversation and that has me thinking that that is the kind of thing that might make her an excellent therapist someday. She’ll be the perfect “enlightened witness” because she’ll have all the awareness of all of us programmed into her. She’ll make connections where we can’t.
I’m struck by how wild it is that we are approaching a stage in culture where we are giving away scads of information about ourselves and our desires…and yet I wonder if what we are asking for supports our highest and best selves? Or are we all just doing our best to get by and are most of us making the best choices we can under the circumstances?
Oh, I’m frustrated because this kind of question doesn’t make sense! And yet I think these are important questions! This is exactly the kind of worry that causes my significant other to ask me ” What is wrong with you?” or ” Why do you even care?”
While I wish my head had a small fluid filled cavity in my head topped with a clear piece of glass so I could shake my head and figure out why certain things are such burning questions, the truth is I don’t. I have to admit that I have no idea why certain things bother me! It’s a human thing. Because if I were to ask the Ella Bot that question it would go something like this.
” Hi Ella, What is wrong with you?”
Ella would answer ” Nothing is wrong with me Mo, what is wrong with you?”
Oh the humanity of it all!
When I think about my anxiety, my worries and my inner turmoil in that way I am glad to have it. It’s not that I enjoy high blood pressure or headaches, but I like the heady highs and the despondent lows because those experiences change and direct me and I identify myself with those things. It doesn’t matter whether the experiences or the thoughts are good or bad things- what matters is that they are in retrospect totally symbolic of me. I am them.
So what about you? Who are you? Do you think about it? Do you ever want to talk about it? Do you have someone who listens to you?
I bet you are pretty cool!