I was just reading an article over at the Daily Mail about women suffering from something some professionals are calling “menstrual psychosis”.
Hmmm. Apparently hormones help control behavior and thinking and it appears that mood can be strongly related to hormonal surges. Women have huge swings in their hormones prior to their monthly cycle, and therefore it must be a sort of psychosis that they go through each month- whereas in the past it was just considered a type of depression.
I’m not willing to accept that I’m a psychotic individual for almost all of my adult life. That sounds absolutely ridiculous!
Instead, I’m willing to say that my mood swings are probably related to my hormonal swings, but they are ME! I AM THEM.
I can tell you with calm certainty that my significant other had a problem with what he considered my mood swings for quite a few years. He actually wanted me to consider taking medication to thwart my intense feelings of sadness or distress.
I told him to go jump in a lake. I did that because I had the temerity to think that if I feel upset when I’m approaching my menstrual cycle then that is a great clue that SOMETHING IS BOTHERING ME!
We actually sought counseling. He was thrilled when the counselor suggested I take something to see if it would help. I remember the moment clearly. I leaned forward toward the male counselor and I said, ” If I have to take something to make me a different person in order to “save my marriage”…then I prefer to save myself!” I told him I appreciated his consideration but I wasn’t in the mood to turn myself into a guinea pig. He then ominously told me my marriage was in crisis. I nodded and then I told him that when I took my vows I promised ” for richer or poorer, in good health and bad, till death us do part.” If my spouse wasn’t willing to accept me as a whole package- hormonal and all…then that wasn’t my issue. My choice was to continue being me, whatever the hell that meant!
My therapist then turned away from me and started writing on a card to schedule the next session. I took the card then when I got home I told my spouse what I said to the counselor and my spouse decided he was going to cancel further visits because it was pointless. Our marriage was not worth saving!
I think that was four years ago. We are still married, and most of the time I’d bet he’d agree that we are “very happily married”. The only difference is I’ve insisted on my right to get angsty sometimes. I told him he was just going to have to accept that I’m a natural born worrier. I don’t know if it was nature, or nurture, but I’ve got lots of worry built into my soul. I told him I have the right to worry about things 80 percent of the time because that feels safe to me, and I promised that the other 20 percent of the time I’d be a blast!
Now he actually laughs and calls me ” Miss 80 percent” when he feels I’m being excessively anxious.
I can’t wait to tell him that it’s been psychosis that he’s been dealing with! I wasn’t just depressed, I was psychotic! Heh! Of course if I was that means me and all the other women in the world are full on psycho! 🙂
In all honesty, I don’t accept the psychotic business any more than I accept that I was depressed and needed meds to soothe my tortured soul. What I needed was the ability to express my feelings without having people tell me I was wrong about thinking the way I thought. It seems to me that right or wrong, my distressing thoughts were being thought by ME and let’s make no bones about it, I like me a lot!
I’m now humming ” I’m a me liker” to the tune of ” I’m a girl watcher”.